Debra is married to my oldest step-brother, Del, and together they are the parents of four wonderful, beautiful, brilliant children. One of the best parts of belonging to this blended family is the joy of being related to such a super person as Debra. Even though Deb is a busy wife and mother, she willingly agreed to answer my questions so I could learn more about her. So, without further ado, here is Debra!
Favorite author(s) : Way too many “favorite” books to list. My favorite authors are George MacDonald and CS Lewis.
Favorite Hymn: O For A Thousand Tongues (Since He has broken the power of cancelled sin & has been actively setting this prisoner of sin free; & since I believe His blood can make the foulest clean, I can’t help but ask for 10,000 tongues to express my praise to/for Him! Interestingly, I didn’t start painting, drawing, writing songs or stories, until I became a Christian…surely, He is responding to my petition! May He add to me thousands more tongues, and might I be found praising Him w/ each one.)
Favorite Food: Thai – very spicy red curry absolute favorite; also Mediterranean – salads, avocados, nuts etc; and last but not least, I love all kinds of fruit w/ walnuts, yogurt, and cottage cheese.
Tell me about your family (mother, father, etc.) Where did you grow up? I was born in Amsterdam, NY, & I grew up in a little town called Broadalbin, NY (Upstate NY, near Albany). I’m the youngest of four children (I have two sisters, 12 & 10 yrs older than I, & one brother, 7 yrs older than I). My oldest sister was born w/ autism/childhood schizophrenia.
My dad traveled w/ a construction crew building bridges etc, so before I was born my family moved every few years. They decided to stay put when they moved to NY (the beauty of Upstate NY reminded them of their own birthplace [Ridgeley, WVa]) and my dad decided to make a go of self-employment. He began by buying a mobile home park. (He kept that mobile home park until not too terribly long ago.) He bought several other properties and also a corner gas station. It was just a gas station, earth floor and all! He built a building (w/ a real floor) and added a mini-mart. The business grew and expanded quite rapidly and Dad became a true land & business developer – he discovered he had energy, smarts, & passion for developing the potential value of properties/businesses. My mom, older sister & brother all had a hand in the business from early on. I was very small so just hung out w/ the customers all day until I was old enough to add my hand to the actual carrying on of the place. I liked people and very much enjoyed talking to the locals who frequented the coffee shop - added when Dad expanded the minimart (yep, coffee shops existed before Starbucks ).
Did you take any special trips or vacations as a child? Not as a child so much, other than an occasional trip to Florida, and every holiday we made our way to my parents’ families’ homes in WVa/MD. But once my other siblings were not at home any more, I traveled w/ my parents to Paris, France, and went on a couple of really nice cruises; one throughout the Caribbean down as far as Caracas, Venezuela; the other to various ports in Mexico & the Bahamas. As a teenager, I went with some friends to Portugal.
Did you like school? I guess I did. I didn’t dislike it. It wasn’t difficult for me. I never really thought about whether I liked it or not. I know that I very much disliked going to and from school on the school bus…rough stuff and chaotic.
What was your favorite subject in school? Worst subject? I liked reading and math. Didn’t really care for science or computers, though I really like science now.
What did you want to be when you grew up? Totally depended on who or what I had been exposed to on any given day. For a long time I wanted to be a veterinarian. Everyone in my family loved animals, so we were always caring for little creatures…yes, all kinds of creatures. J Later, I wanted to be someone who helped families dealing w/ a mentally ill family member. Somewhere in there I thought about being a missionary, a nurse, a professor, a pastor. I always had in mind that I wanted to be a mom.
How would you describe your personality? Instinctively quiet, but very interested in, and many times, energized by, people, so compelled to be social. I am fatigued by long periods of social interaction (at least those in which I am required to talk), so though I enjoy them for a time, I am very grateful for quiet, alone, replenishing time soon afterward.
Do you have any hobbies? I really enjoy painting (esp like to paint faces or to depict some biblical interaction). Many consider running one of my hobbies, but since it is a very regular part of my life, I don’t consider it a hobby. Running races may be another hobby. I do like to do a few races/yr, and enjoy training for them. I also enjoy writing short stories, making up songs, drawing, photography, reading…. Del tells me the last thing I need is another hobby. (He’s kidding…in reality he does everything in his power to support & encourage me in every one of them!)
How did you meet Del? He traveled w/ his family on a ministry team…the team came to my church in NY when we were 14 and 15 years old. We met and began a friendship. We didn’t stay in close contact, but a couple years later I worked at a camp in Michigan; Del lived on these particular campgrounds in the summertime. Our friendship deepened that summer. Again, we didn’t continue frequent communication, but a couple years later we ended up literally bumping into each other at the University post office on the first day of classes (this was in Virginia). Del’s dad died very soon after we arrived at college, so Del returned home for a while. When he returned, we dated quite seriously but at the end of his sophomore, my junior year, he transferred to a college closer to his family. We again J didn’t stay in close communication, but then a couple years later, Del called my parents to try to find out where I was. When he reached me, we discovered that both of us had been accepted into graduate programs in the Chicago area. We finally clued in to the fact that it was clearly “meant to be”, chose a weekend at the peak of the Fall season in Michigan (yes, in the middle of our graduate work), & were married! That was 1994. And I am more sure than ever that it was, indeed, meant to be. Del is an off the charts incredible husband!
You wrote a ministry pamphlet about your struggles with bulimia. Do you know what led to your developing bulimia? Isolation, poorly developed self-control, & desire for selfish pleasure w/out consequences How were you able to overcome this eating disorder? God filled me w/ strong desire for another way. (The way of JESUS; freedom to follow Him in every way He was asking me to follow Him.) The actual process of overcoming bulimia involved prayer, completely cutting out all “trigger” foods, incorporating regular exercise into my daily routine, memorizing Scripture, & learning to tell myself NO.
How has motherhood been different than you thought it would be or surprising in any way? I think maybe I thought that w/ motherhood came wed w/ selflessness, maturity, wisdom, patience, self-control...I learned quickly that one does not receive these virtues through simple induction into motherhood.
What has been your favorite aspect of motherhood so far? Listening to the kids when their interactions are sweet or funny; I love to hear them laugh, watch them play, read, love; watching them learn, grow, develop, mature; just being w/ them.
What has been your most challenging aspect of motherhood so far? Exercising self-control over my own mouth.
How did you and Del come to the decision to homeschool your children? It was really a given for us; there are not any schools nearby that we feel would/could properly educate them; we feel like God has given us the primary responsibility for their training while they are in our home...it would be difficult for us to train them if they were away from us all day five days a week.
Since Del speaks and writes about marriage and relationships in the ministry you're both involved in, do you feel that people are watching you more closely to see if you both practice what you preach? We don't pretend that we have it all together; we're brutally honest w/ those who look at us like we're some kind of perfect couple who have marriage and family issues neatly packaged and figured out once and for all. We don't minister out of perfection. We minister out of what we have, and what we have is sometimes wonderful and sometimes it is a very big mess. So...in answer to your question, if they watch us close up and personal, I have no doubt that they will be at least mildly, probably more like wildly, at times, disgusted and disappointed...but they can't say we didn't tell them that we are still in process.
I have heard that it can be difficult for those in ministry to develop close friendships due to their role as a leader. Have you and Del found this to be true? Not at all; we are very sincerely grateful for many incredible friendships.
What has been the most rewarding aspect of being involved in ministry? Seeing people become more of who they were made to be
Since you have attended lots of marriage conferences, can you tell what you think has been the most helpful advice you have heard? Focus on what you like/love about your spouse.
What has God been teaching you recently? How willing and able He is to do more than I ask or imagine
Do you have any words of wisdom for mothers of young children? Pray, and remember that God did not randomly select you to be mother to these children. You were fitted together w/ your children purposely for their good as well as for yours. They will have the greatest opportunity of knowing & loving God, and becoming all of who He made them to be through your being their mother. God will efficiently use your time with them whether you are acting w/ them in accordance w/ all of your strengths or whether you are acting w/ them in accordance w/ all of your weaknesses. He has given you these particular children b/c they are the children most perfectly suited for helping you become better, helping you become more, helping you become beautiful as a child of God!
God is redemptive by nature. He is obviously not afraid of our failures...He would never entrust such precious lives to us if His confidence was in us. His confidence is in Himself, and so ought ours to be. Pray for your kids, do the best you can (recognizing that sometimes the best you can is not going to win you mother of the year award), and stake your claim in God's eager readiness and unequaled power to redeem, save, renew, & remake your children and you according to the pattern of person He has, from before time began, had in mind to help your children and you become!
